there’s something so brutal about realizing attention, validation, desire, danger, shame, intimacy and healing can all blur together after someone hurts you
This topic reflects a deeper tension in modern dating between physical connection and emotional fulfillment. While casual intimacy has become more accessible, many people still find themselves longing for meaning, stability, and genuine affection.
The real challenge is not the availability of connection, but the difficulty of finding relationships where emotional and physical needs are aligned and mutually respected.
Wow. What a great story. A few things strike me. Dating apps might get you to meet someone “safe”, in fact two of my much younger relatives met their wives that way, got married of course, each developed their careers, each had two kids, etc. But dating apps can be dangerous, two women I know, again much younger than myself, and both very good friends, have had horrible experiences. Regarding the dating scene, it seems to me that many guys and gals are insufficiently bold enough, too shy, afraid of getting rejected, personally insecure, etc. I’m of the opinion that this is a “modern” culture thing. When I was much, much younger if I found a woman whom appeared attractive, I would simply tell her that and add that before I was willing to get involved I would have to get to know her since mere physical attraction is not enough. Then I would ask her out. I would suggest that we did not have to go alone, we could invite her friends or my friends. The plain simple truth done face to face. It either works or it doesn’t work but in either case you have been truthful and straightforward, you have owned yourself. One final point on dating or other social media sites where “hook-ups” are possible… again please be careful since the motives of people are so varied you have to be clear about your own intentions and cautious about the other party’s intentions. Why? People lie. They lie to get something they want, whether it be some sort of validation of their self-hood, simply a sexual relationship, or your money. They lie because they already know that they are dishonest people with less than good motives. In closing you mention “sobriety”, and as those with sober experience know sobriety is not simply staying off of alcohol and drugs, it is about developing a sober lifestyle. And, to do that requires self-honesty and a whole lot of humility. Good luck. p.s. just to add this I am 73 years of age, happily married to a wonderful woman, and just another guy on Substack.
"the reason i haven’t dated or had sex in almost 10 years is because of a 20 year old boy i dated when i was 17" oh so . im not the only one LOL maybe you've inspired me to get on the apps
Also this is inspiring me to try dating or sex but turn it into a research project. Tbh the research project part makes it sound more fun than the actual dating but yes I love this idea.
I feel. I feel this a lot. I was in this stage for two ish years, and I don’t know if I’m out of it or just temporarily standing on solid ground. Finding the validation in someone’s attraction to you is sometimes so much easier than finding it in yourself.
azul, i love how honest you are in this! the way you write really makes it easy to follow your thoughts, and you spoke incredibly well on that weird combo of like.. horny ahh / lust / validation but also wanting tenderness . Great piece!!
I hope you can get to a place where you feel proud of your desires (even if they are submissive) rather than embarrassed! No need babe! Bottoms are hot.
I admire your raw style of writing. On another note, are you okay with friends/family reading your essays? I would be too embarrassed to be writing so freely.. wishing you all the best ❤️
i cross my fingers and pray my family never sees this !!! and unironically i had posted this on here only thinking friends would see and welp…. here we are 30k views later 🥲😬
Thank you for being so vulnerable! I’ve been going through something similar recently and have shocked myself with what I’ve been letting people I like/ match with say to me. Because I want it from these specific people, it doesn’t offend me. But the fact that it doesn’t offend me has made me question and learn so much about myself.
I also had a serious boyfriend and then realized I just loved freedom too much but then was too afraid to get into hookup stuff and haven't had sex in years but now i'm obsessed with my sexual power and idk whatI will do with that yet but i'm sure it'll be chaotic *cheers*
there’s something so brutal about realizing attention, validation, desire, danger, shame, intimacy and healing can all blur together after someone hurts you
oof
All of this
oh my god very relatable.. where are the chill perverts?? ❤️🩹your vulnerability is so cool
This topic reflects a deeper tension in modern dating between physical connection and emotional fulfillment. While casual intimacy has become more accessible, many people still find themselves longing for meaning, stability, and genuine affection.
The real challenge is not the availability of connection, but the difficulty of finding relationships where emotional and physical needs are aligned and mutually respected.
Wow. What a great story. A few things strike me. Dating apps might get you to meet someone “safe”, in fact two of my much younger relatives met their wives that way, got married of course, each developed their careers, each had two kids, etc. But dating apps can be dangerous, two women I know, again much younger than myself, and both very good friends, have had horrible experiences. Regarding the dating scene, it seems to me that many guys and gals are insufficiently bold enough, too shy, afraid of getting rejected, personally insecure, etc. I’m of the opinion that this is a “modern” culture thing. When I was much, much younger if I found a woman whom appeared attractive, I would simply tell her that and add that before I was willing to get involved I would have to get to know her since mere physical attraction is not enough. Then I would ask her out. I would suggest that we did not have to go alone, we could invite her friends or my friends. The plain simple truth done face to face. It either works or it doesn’t work but in either case you have been truthful and straightforward, you have owned yourself. One final point on dating or other social media sites where “hook-ups” are possible… again please be careful since the motives of people are so varied you have to be clear about your own intentions and cautious about the other party’s intentions. Why? People lie. They lie to get something they want, whether it be some sort of validation of their self-hood, simply a sexual relationship, or your money. They lie because they already know that they are dishonest people with less than good motives. In closing you mention “sobriety”, and as those with sober experience know sobriety is not simply staying off of alcohol and drugs, it is about developing a sober lifestyle. And, to do that requires self-honesty and a whole lot of humility. Good luck. p.s. just to add this I am 73 years of age, happily married to a wonderful woman, and just another guy on Substack.
"the reason i haven’t dated or had sex in almost 10 years is because of a 20 year old boy i dated when i was 17" oh so . im not the only one LOL maybe you've inspired me to get on the apps
I actually needed this essay so much. thank you for sharing something so raw I can’t even fully express how relatable and comforting it was to read <3
Also this is inspiring me to try dating or sex but turn it into a research project. Tbh the research project part makes it sound more fun than the actual dating but yes I love this idea.
I feel. I feel this a lot. I was in this stage for two ish years, and I don’t know if I’m out of it or just temporarily standing on solid ground. Finding the validation in someone’s attraction to you is sometimes so much easier than finding it in yourself.
Hmmm words!!!
Hi
your vulnerability is so honest. refreshing. truthful. thank you for sharing & being honest.
azul, i love how honest you are in this! the way you write really makes it easy to follow your thoughts, and you spoke incredibly well on that weird combo of like.. horny ahh / lust / validation but also wanting tenderness . Great piece!!
I hope you can get to a place where you feel proud of your desires (even if they are submissive) rather than embarrassed! No need babe! Bottoms are hot.
I admire your raw style of writing. On another note, are you okay with friends/family reading your essays? I would be too embarrassed to be writing so freely.. wishing you all the best ❤️
i cross my fingers and pray my family never sees this !!! and unironically i had posted this on here only thinking friends would see and welp…. here we are 30k views later 🥲😬
this is so vulnerable in the coolest way possible i love it and i relate so deeply to it!
Thank you for being so vulnerable! I’ve been going through something similar recently and have shocked myself with what I’ve been letting people I like/ match with say to me. Because I want it from these specific people, it doesn’t offend me. But the fact that it doesn’t offend me has made me question and learn so much about myself.
I also had a serious boyfriend and then realized I just loved freedom too much but then was too afraid to get into hookup stuff and haven't had sex in years but now i'm obsessed with my sexual power and idk whatI will do with that yet but i'm sure it'll be chaotic *cheers*
Ok, truly interesting and engaging. Keep writing!